Tuesday, October 11, 2011

We come to understanding in our own time

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
~Steve Jobs

This past weekend I turned 54, only two years younger than Steve Jobs at his passing. His quote, widely read, makes me feel, at turns, nervous, lost, vulnerable, and hopeful.

I understand that my time is limited. According to someone's statistics I have somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 days left. There are no guarantees, of course, and I may have only one day left. I'm swayed by another thought of Jobs, about asking himself if he had only one day left would he still want to do what he planned to do that day. I think about that often.

Outwardly I have lived my own life, and yet I know how much I have lived a life in the shadow of other people's (mostly unmet) expectations of me. I've spent many years following my heart while ignoring my intuition. And, I don't know what I want to "become."

I wonder if that is because I am already what I am meant to be or because I'm afraid that I can't really become what I want to become. I'm not sure either of those sentences is accurate. Perhaps my understanding is just coming later than it does for many people. That one day I will understand seems to be the truth, and I have to set aside my worries, fears, self-perceived inadequacies and stop listening to the voices of others to hear my own voice. I trust that I have my own voice and my own understanding. I am content to practice patience so that I may listen to it.